my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
