Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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