After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
