i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
