I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
