Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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