During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
