I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
