I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
