Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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