It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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