i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
