i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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