I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
