Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
