i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
