I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
