just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
