worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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