I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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