Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
