God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
