Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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