Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
