Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
