I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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