Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.