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Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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