Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!