pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
