She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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