My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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