youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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