We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
