I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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