It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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