so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
