just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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