He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize