Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
