i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why do cheetos always look like penises
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I AM VODKA MAN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
