I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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