We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
