you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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