i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
