If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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