he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
