doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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