he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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