I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
