Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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