Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
