I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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