Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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