yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my being single is dangerous.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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