I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
