even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
