I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
