My liver just broke up with me...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
