Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
