Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
