no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
