If that was your dad, he is hot
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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