in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
