saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
