she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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