OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
