My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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