My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
