you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
