I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
