I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
