one two three fourrrrnication!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
