This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.