It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??