i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
zippers are such a cool invention
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.