Who did Billy Mays play for?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes