If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome