I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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