she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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