I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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