oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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