apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
