how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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