I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
two words: eviction party
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
