I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
