I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
